When in Versailles. . .

As homogenous and prim as some bourgeois Parisian communities seem, none has managed to breed cookie-cutter, church-going citizens like a certain neighboring suburb. Once home to desperate nobles locked in a vicious battle of decadent one-upmanship, presentday Versailles is comparably dull--as though the blue-blooded of today have all agreed to save their time and energy (not to mention money) by dressing, eating, and living exactly alike. It might be refreshing not to have to keep up with the Joneses, but a little healthy competition (other than waiting to see who gets to baby number five first) might be part of what loving thy neighbor is all about.

Katherine Ross as Joanna Eberhart. [Online image] 1975.

"Débrouille"-ing in French

"Je me débrouille pas mal, je pense," I muster, blushing as my distorted vowels spill out in front of the smug cashier. For someone whose worst grade ever was in French Phonetics (having a professor named Mme Boucher probably didn't help), daily life in France can feel a lot like a never-ending test in the language lab. And in the capital, where English-speaking tourists flock like sneakered sheep, it's easy to be mistaken for a fly-by-night Parisian. Of course, sometimes this can be used to your advantage, like when you're accosted by petitioners or taking longer than normal to count out change at the supermarket. For the most part, though, it feels like a slap in the face to have a French person answer you in English. And it's a matter of honor to accept the challenge and fight back with every irregular verb and idiom you can think of.

Kate Hudson as Isabel Walker. [Online image] 2003.

Getting in Step with Paris

It's hard to find the right balance in Paris. One minute a shopkeeper is ignoring you; the next, you're listening to the roundup of all the quartier's news since De Gaulle was President--the first time around. The reassuring, bubbly, and to-the-point, "Hi! How can I help you?," is as foreign here as a mimosa on an Air France flight. But until you acquire a taste for Parisian small talk, there's no reason not to be bubbly and to-the-point yourself. If anyone raises an eyebrow, you can always comfort yourself later by adding a little orange juice to your champagne.

Lucille Ball as Lucy Ricardo. [Online image] 1956.

"Les Règles"

There's a reason why "rules" and "period" are the same word in French. They can both show up anytime, anywhere, causing pain and a terrible waste of paper. But with a little experience and a lot of determination, it can be easier to navigate through French red tape than the feminine hygiene aisle at the supermarket.
First, you have to be prepared for the dreaded "non, ce n'est pas possible Madame" to hit when you're most vulnerable. Like at the pharmacy in the middle of August when your doctor is on vacation and your mosquito-bitten body is screaming for an anti-inflammatory prescription. No point mentioning that back home, apartments come with A/C, and windows have screens. To get through to that blank, smug expression behind the counter, you're going to have to beg. And if you stick it out long enough and make it clear that you are a human being despite your léger accent, you'll have the double reward of getting what you asked for and seeing a wall of Parisian obstination slowly melt into winks and pleasantries. And once you get a French person to smile at you, you'll really feel like a woman.

Peter Sellers and Capucine as Inspector and Simone Clouseau. [Online image] 1963.

Eurostardom

London has never been so close to the Continent. In a little over 2 hours, you can swap your café au lait and pain au chocolat for a strong cup of tea with milk and warm scones smothered in clotted cream. You might be slightly fazed by the plethora of Paul boulangeries popping up next to teahouses and pubs, but you won't wonder for long whether you just dreamt your transplantation. For one, that lady with the stroller who just bumped into you? She didn't keep on walking with her chin thrust out like some kind of weapon. Instead, she rested her hand on your arm, looked at you with sincere eyes, and said the unutterable for Parisians: "I'm sorry."
Then there are the monuments. Fancy a peek at the British Library's prized shelves? Don't be disconcerted by nightmarish memories of the BNF's massive steel doors and mazelike corridors. The English came up with a library that doesn't make visitors feel like they're too stupid or unworthy to behold books.
You gotta wonder how a country so intent on keeping its monarchy can be so bloody democratic.

Kevin Kline and Jamie Lee Curtis . [Online image] 1988.

Every Little Breeze Seems to Whisper. . .

Spring always seems to arrive in Paris overnight. One day, your fingers are shivering as you button up your coat, and the next morning you find yourself kicking off your boots and slipping your bare feet into a pair of flats.
Of course, some people just grin and bear the heat. The French seem to have a disrobing angst when it comes to winter coats and scarves. "En avril, ne vous découvrez pas d'un fil ; en mai, faites ce qui vous plaît," the saying goes. Heaven only knows what would happen if you start showing some skin in March!

Audrey Hepburn as Ariane Chavasse. [Online image] 1957.

Another Side of Gay Paris

Despite Paris' steady embourgeoisement since the 1950s, citadins of the capital of fashion and romance are not always trippping down the street in la dernière mode, arm in arm with a dapper Prince Charmant.
Crouched on the sidewalk outside supermarkets or on top of glauques underground staircases, less fortunate Parisians raise their heads as bustling shoppers and commuters rush by. "Bonjour, bonjour," a monotonous voice repeats, switching to "Merci, merci" every time someone slows down to drop a shiny coin into a weathered cup.
Around 8 pm (dinnertime in France), you might see the voice's owner waiting in line for a plastic bowl of steaming soup, as across the street, a parallel world laughs and blows cigarette smoke in-between gourmet forkfuls.

Juliette Binoche as Michèle Stalens. [Online image] 1991.