The Return of Paris Angst

It's time to share Paris with its rightful owners again. No more breezy parking maneuvers and jostle-free promenades. They're back (a few shades orange-er granted) and ready to elbow themselves through post office lines and overtake sidewalks with their jumbo-sized poussettes.
Sadly enough the sun seems to be in on the whole thing. As if la rentrée weren't disheartening enough, now we have to scuttle around the crowded city in sweaters and wet feet. And even if the morning gloom and early nights will send Parisians packing for weekend getaways in no time, it no longer seems as fun to be left behind.

Audrey Hepburn as Regina Lampert. [Online image] 1963.

Getting Around Paris

Whether you're on foot, driving, Vélib-ing it, or swimming about, maneuvering around Paris takes some pretty fast decision-making and quite a lot of guts (or a very snug blindfold).
Crossing the street is not a simple matter of waiting for the petit bonhomme to turn green and then looking both ways. As a pedestrian, you are in an undeclared battle against all the cars and motos and bikes zooming your way. Some piétons may stoop to using their poussettes to stop traffic, but the pro doesn't need to resort to such methods. A glare at a nervy driver followed by a stern tap on the flank of his vehicle should be enough to cool most sets of wheels. And if all else fails, you can always yell, "Connard!" at the exhaust pipe as it races away. Just remember that this is a solo sport: don't expect any encouragement from bystanders sipping espresso at sidewalk cafés or a helping hand from the fellow competitors at your side. Trip and fall on the sidewalk in your brand new Tropéziennes soldées, and no one will bother turning around. You're just going to have to pick yourself up and keep on going. Or try life in Paris' fast lane. But after a tour ou deux around the Place de l'Etoile, you might find yourself begging for life as a lowly piéton again.

La Meute by Robert Doisneau. [Online Image] 1969.